Toberman Family Creates a Legacy

by Tom Meyers and Rabbi Norman Cohen

 The Toberman family was not always a part of Bet Shalom, belonging to other congregations in Minneapolis. But after Jerry Toberman was diagnosed with cancer, he came to see Rabbi Cohen to talk about the Bet Shalom community.

They had met in a number of other settings, but when Jerry sat down in the rabbi’s study in the Hopkins building, he let out a sigh and said, “Rabbi, I have had a very successful life in business. I have been blessed with a loving wife, Nancy and we have two kids, about whom I worry, as all parents do. Now that I realize fully that my days are numbered, I want to do all that I can to help them make the kind of connections to their Jewish identity and the Jewish community that will keep them involved after I am gone.”

He wanted his kids to be “taken care of” in ways other than financial. Jerry had always provided for their material needs, and he mentored them in many of life’s chapters. But he knew they needed more. He understood they had spiritual needs and that Bet Shalom would be an excellent refuge for their searching to take place. He had heard of all the innovative programs and opportunities, not just services, that our congregation was developing, and he wanted his family to be a part of them. He would join the synagogue and make it a place for his family to find activity, enrichment, community, shelter and, after his death, comfort and connection.

Rabbi Cohen assured him that would happen and reached out to his son, daughter and wife and began inviting them to a variety of events. He visited with Nancy and met her for lunch from time to time to keep her up to date on the congregation. She came to services with her sister, who belonged to another synagogue, to say kaddish for their deceased family members.

Sadly, not too many years after Jerry died, their son Bill also died, and then a few years later their daughter Barbara passed away.

Nancy outlived both her children, but before she died she made arrangements to leave a legacy at Bet Shalom in appreciation for the haven the Toberman family had found there. Rabbi Cohen introduced her to Tom Meyers, who joined them at their lunches and who began discussing the endowment fund with her.  Sometimes her lawyer, Bill Skolnick, also joined them.  During these many conversations two things became apparent. First, the Tobermans’ relationship with Bet Shalom and its clergy was extraordinary and deep. Second, the Skolnick family became like her own, and Bill’s kids joined Bet Shalom. This gave Nancy an opportunity in the last years of her life to continue her connection to Bet Shalom and enrolled their son Avi in Shalom Yeladim, Bet Shalom’s preschool. She came to all the religious school’s “grandparent” events as that grew to be her role in the Skolnick family. One of the last times the rabbis saw Nancy she was sitting in the sukkah as Avi and his Shalom Yeladim preschool classmates decorated it. When the time came, our rabbis officiated at all 4 of the Tobermans’ funerals: Jerry, Bill, Barbara, and Nancy. 

Nancy created a legacy giving plan that acknowledges and honors these relationships. At her passing she left a significant gift to The Rabbi Norman M. Cohen Honorary Rabbinic Fund within the Bet Shalom Endowment. Distributions from the Endowment based on this gift go directly to the annual operating budget and will perpetually support clergy salaries.  Another portion of Nancy’s gift went directly to Bet Shalom for improvements to the Bet Shalom Yeladim playground.  Because of this wonderful gift, the upgraded playground was named the The Toberman Family Playground.  This was a great way for the Tobermans to remain in our memories. Our congregation is thankful for the legacy their family created. The synagogue was truly a spiritual home to the Toberman family. Bet Shalom is one of their “grandchildren,” too!