L'dor V'dor: Bet Shalom's Four Generation Familie

Maura Fisher

Growing up at a conservative synagogue in Duluth, Anita Silver was steeped in Jewish music and tradition. But she was keenly aware that her husband, Tom, had only the slimmest of ties to his Jewish roots. So early in their marriage, they took a leap of faith and joined a fledgling Reform congregation that — she hoped — would feel like home to both of them.

David Wexler was in college when his parents made the same leap. After years in Orthodox and Conservative settings, “They were looking for something a little less rigid,” he says. But even he was surprised when they picked a synagogue with no walls of its own, just a space for prayer at the Minneapolis JCC. “That,” he says with a laugh, “was probably the hippest thing they’ve ever done.” 

Today, 40 years after the founding of Bet Shalom Congregation, the Silvers and the Wexlers are among a rarefied group of families who have called the synagogue home for four generations. As longtime members,  Anita and David have had front-row seats to its transformation from a small “family of friends” in the 1980s into the burgeoning community it is today. And their families have been transformed as well as they have watched their parents, spouses, children, and now grandchildren enter the sanctuary of Bet Shalom.

THE SILVERS

When she first joined, Anita Silver admits, she felt like a stranger. “I knew nobody there, but within a week, someone called and asked me to be on the ushering committee.” 

At the time she was raising two young daughters and teaching at the Minneapolis public schools, but how could she resist? Before long she was teaching Sunday school and leading the children’s choir. Later she was drafted to serve on the Board of Trustees; “They said they needed a teacher,” she says modestly. 

In the meantime, her mother, Millicent (Millie) Lurye Weinberg, moved to the Twin Cities and joined the family at Bet Shalom. Coming from a musical family (her father was a fill-in cantor), Millie had “a beautiful voice” and a visceral love of Jewish music, says her daughter. “She could not attend a service without humming.” On one memorable occasion at Bet Shalom, Millie directed the adult and children’s choirs in a cantata, “Seven Golden Buttons,” with her daughter and granddaughter in the chorus. “In my family,” says Anita, “we feel things … through singing.”

By contrast, Anita’s husband, Tom, had no such family traditions, which made his own journey — to the presidency of Bet Shalom — that much more extraordinary. “He didn’t have a Jewish background other than his gene pool,” explains Anita. “He had never belonged to a synagogue before.” But Tom, a graphic artist and “people person,” found his niche when he was invited to help design the new synagogue building. “He thrived,” she recalls. “He was embraced for his talent and his skills.” After that, “He felt so connected to Bet Shalom, socially,” that it was a natural progression to the Board of Trustees, and in 2003, to take his turn as president of the congregation. He even started Hebrew lessons and, at nearly 60, celebrated his bar mitzvah at Masada.

Today, 12 years after his death, Tom Silver’s legacy is still tangible at Bet Shalom, especially for his children and grandchildren. “I can’t walk into that building and not think of my Dad,” says daughter Alyson Silver Weiss, who now belongs to Bet Shalom with her husband, Ben, and their sons Micah, 5, and Jonah, 3.  Although her kids never met her father, Alyson says, they see his face every time they go to the synagogue. “Many times we’ll go into the building and take pictures of my kids next to my Dad’s portrait,” she says. “They like to find his name on the wall.”

Before long, all of Anita’s grand-kids will share that experience, when her younger daughter, Andrea Champaloux, joins the congregation with her husband, Steve, and two young sons, Robert and Harry. 

Anita marvels that, as they grow up, the boys will literally see their family history in the photos lining the halls of Bet Shalom. “You can’t go anywhere else in town to do that,” she notes. “Hopefully, those strong attachments will grow in the next generation.”

THE WEXLERS

David Wexler can trace his family roots in Minnesota and North Dakota back more than 130 years. The first Wexler immigrants, his grandfather among them, left Lithuania in the 1880s, most likely in search of a less hostile place to live as Jews.  Since then, his family and its Jewish heritage have flourished, though in ways his ancestors probably never imagined.

David’s parents, Geri and Jerry Wexler, “kind of (ran) the gamut of Orthodox, Conservative and Reform,” he says. Their decision to join Bet Shalom nearly 40 years ago paved the way for his own years later when he married his wife, Julie. In a sense, their motivation was obvious. “You have kids,” he says. “And you want them to be part of the congregation and raise them with Jewish values.”

Bet Shalom’s reputation as a synagogue that welcomes interfaith couples was also a powerful drawing card. David knew that Julie, who isn’t Jewish, would play a critical role in their children’s religious upbringing. “You can’t be successful in a mixed household raising Jewish kids if you don’t have the support of the non-Jewish spouse,” he says. “It’s much easier to feel at home at Bet Shalom with a blended family like this.” Julie fully embraced that role, shuttling their son, Dan, and daughter, Elena, to Hebrew school; celebrating Jewish holidays; even singing in the Bet Shalom choir. Although Julie never converted, she always felt welcome at the synagogue, and that, David says, was key.

Their children, now grown, “both have strong Jewish identities,” he says. And this fall Elena’s 4-year-old son, Mason, will start pre-kindergarten at Bet Shalom. Before the pandemic hit, Elena  started taking Mason to Friday night Tot Shabbat services so he could start to feel included.  “I loved growing up at Bet Shalom,” says Elena, and she hopes that Bet Shalom will help Mason find his own path “to practice Judaism and understand and love his faith. It’s important for me to carry on (our) Jewish identity.”

David is optimistic that the next generation of Wexlers will carry on that tradition. “You know the old saying that if you intermarry, then your grand-kids won’t be Jewish? I’m not worried about that.” Mason “will get the same Jewish education my kids got.” And David points out that son Dan and his fiancee, Kristen, who is not Jewish, have pledged to raise their children Jewish as well. “So I feel very confident.  If you’re committed to that, and your spouse is an equal partner in that commitment, it will happen.”