I Found My Religious Home at Bet Shalom
Mickey and Sue
By Sue Schinke Elfenbein
I was born and raised in a small town in central Iowa, a rural farming community comprised mainly of families who immigrated from Europe in the 1800’s. Most Iowans came from England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, and my ancestors were German, English and Irish. Churches and religion were important to most families, but religion did not play a big part in my early life as my father was an atheist. He felt that science did not support the existence of a God or the creation of life. My mother was raised as a Methodist. I was curious about religion and wanted to belong to a church, partly to feel like I belonged and partly because I felt there must be a God. I felt it, I knew it! By my own initiative, I attended confirmation classes at the United Methodist Church and was baptized and confirmed as a member.
I knew very little about the Jewish people of Israel or Judaism. I was an adult living in Minneapolis when I met my first Jewish friend. My 7-year-old daughter, Tara Schinke, began horseback riding lessons and quickly bonded with a young girl named Jordan Rotenberg. I became friends with Jordan’s mother, Liz. She invited Tara and me to Jordan's bat mitzvah at Bet Shalom. I was impressed with the direction this young lady was given for her life. The joy and celebration following the ceremony was magnificent! We have remained close friends with the Rotenbergs ever since.
One year I was alone at Thanksgiving; my family was scattered in various states and I was recently divorced, which had caused some of my Christian friends and family to shun or disown me. Liz asked me what my Thanksgiving plans were, and when I explained the situation, she welcomed me to join her family. I still go to lunch periodically with Liz’s mother, Mari Waterous, a member of Bet Shalom.
Sue and Mari
Years later I returned to Bet Shalom. I was dating a special man, Mickey Elfenbein, who invited me to services. It was very important for him to honor his parents on their Yahrzeits. I felt nothing but love and acceptance while in services. It touched me to know that honoring the anniversaries of his parents' deaths was important to him. His daughter, Ari Elfenbein, was very involved in BeSTY. I saw that Mickey and Ari had a home at Bet Shalom, and I needed to find a new religious home. My previous affiliation was with a non-denominational church. My two children, James and Tara had been baptized and confirmed as Lutherans. They had attended Sunday school and church services when they were young, but I felt there was a lack of a formal program that provided direction for them as teens. I wanted them to study religion, to learn respect for their heritage and elders, and to become responsible citizens in life. I sought churches for them to affiliate with but never managed to find a religious home for them that fit.
Mickey and I dated for a time and we were married in a traditional Jewish ceremony. When we met with Rabbi Locketz, we discussed what I knew of Judaism and if I had considered converting. At that time, I was open to the possibility and felt humbled to be invited. I chose a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony because Judaism was a big part of Mickey’s life and spirit. I wanted to honor him and his heritage. Rabbi Locketz seemed surprised that I wanted to embrace Jewish traditions so fully. I wanted it all! We signed the ketubah. I walked down the aisle wearing the beautiful heirloom tallit given to Mickey at his bar mitzvah, and I circled my groom, signifying our delight with each other and the bond we were making. We took vows under the chuppah and drank wine from the kiddush cup. Mickey broke the glass, and we received many “mazel tovs” after the ceremony!
As a married couple, Mickey and I both grow with our involvement at Bet Shalom. Mickey is now involved with the Finance Committee, the Board of Trustees and the business networking group. We are part of the Bet Shalom Wine Tasting Club. We not only have learned about wines, we have also met the most wonderful people and shared stories of travel to fabulous wineries all over the world and travels to Israel. I am touched by the ways I have been welcomed by all these new Bet Shalom friends.
I have retired recently and have more time to learn about Judaism and converting. It's clear that welcoming the stranger is a big part of Judaism. And I now understand tikkun olam, another important value of Reform Judaism. It is feeling a responsibility for making our world a better place and for treating others with respect and dignity.
Since its foundation by a small “family of friends” in 1981, Bet Shalom has had a mission of being a warm and welcoming Reform synagogue. “Our mission is to provide a sacred community for applying study to our lives, enriching our souls, and repairing the world around us.” This explains why I have been so graciously and lovingly invited to be part of this congregation.
At Bet Shalom, I am not just a face in the crowd or name on a list, but rather am a valued member of a loving community. I feel supported as I continue my journey learning about the rich history of Judaism, and I'm eager to discover where the path will lead me. All of that and more is why I feel I've found my religious home at Bet Shalom. I feel so grateful for this family of mine!