How to Make Your Small Group Thrive — Bet Shalom Congregation

Eric Bressler

Eric Bressler

In 2019 Bet Shalom's clergy, staff and lay leaders read and discussed Relational Judaism and The Relational Judaism Handbook by Dr. Ron Wolfson. Typical synagogue culture is “transactional” (pay dues to get access to various services). In a culture of “Relational” Judaism, members are active and support the synagogue because they have relationships with several people they know there. Our leaders realized that Bet Shalom should promote a culture of Relational Judaism at all levels, particularly by forming small groups through which participants become friends with other congregants. Rabbi Locketz says, “We'd love for everyone in the congregation to feel that they are part of a smaller community within Bet Shalom.”

Small groups are organized by combinations of geography, demography (age and stage of life), meeting schedules and affinity (interests and needs). Affinity groups are easy to establish and they're successful because, as Wolfson says, “In these groups, the passion of the leaders fuels the participation of the members.... Anyone with passion, an idea, and two friends who will join can start a group.”

In previous issues of Tapestry we've featured several small groups at Bet Shalom. I spoke with their leaders to compare notes and learn what has made their groups thrive, challenges they've faced, and advice they'd give to people starting new small groups. It boils down to these points:

Becky Fritz

Have Co-Leaders.

Becky Fritz and I co-lead the Wine Tasting Club. We have different and complementary skill sets, and as Becky diplomatically points out, we have different social networks that have led to membership of diverse ages. Becky and I are accountable to each other, often discussing how the group works, the event topics, and any delicate or controversial interpersonal issues that may arise. Aaron Christensen and Julie Sprau co-lead the Beer Club, sharing their knowledge with participants at events. Conversely, the Play Reading Group run by Bet Shalom's Executive Director Steve Barberio has been challenged by the lack of a non-staff co-leader. Steve admits that when he's overwhelmed by important issues and needs in his staff role, running the Play Reading Group falls to the bottom of his list despite his abiding passion for it.

Have a clear and popular topic.

What makes a winning theme for a small group? Becky says it plainly: “Topic is critical. If you can't name at least five people who would enjoy this, it's too niche, a hobby but not the theme of a small group.” Steve Barberio feels that passion for reading or listening to readings of plays has sustained his group. Yale Dolginow says of the Business Networking Group, “The content should feel new every time.” Steve Yussen has steered the Book Club toward fiction just to be different from other intellectual groups at Bet Shalom.

Julie Sprau

State a specific mission.

Articulating a specific mission and setting ground rules has been helpful for some groups like the Business Networking Group. Julie feels that specifying what the group is trying to accomplish helps structure the meetings. Others like the Book Club haven't needed to because they follow a familiar model. To me, it's crucial to emphasize cultivating relationships among the participants when setting up and running the group.

Start with a committed core group and promote by inviting friends and others.

Identify a few interested people who will form a core group committed to showing up for events. They should include what Becky refers to as “promoters” who will invite their friends. Yale and Steve Barberio see recruitment as an opportunity to help build relationships between members of different ages. Of course, Bet Shalom's publicity and online sign-ups will broaden the reach to other interested members. Rabbi Locketz believes that direct invitations to others to participate helps maintain group numbers, refresh the range of participants, and facilitate joining what may be perceived as a closed group.

Events and meetings should be well planned, engaging, relational and connected to Judaism.

The Wine Tasting Club furnishes information about the wines with tasting notes, but Becky and I want events to be fun and social (relational) and not feel like classes. The frequency of events should feel sustainable, according to Steve Yussen; most people can handle reading a book every three months for the Book Club. And you don't want the leaders to burn out.

Promote relationships when planning meetings by scheduling some unstructured social time to allow participants to get to know each other. Name tags can be helpful for in-person events. Pose a “relational question:” ask members to talk about their families, their history at Bet Shalom, and their interest in the small group's theme. On Zoom, use this technique in break-out rooms of no more than four windows to promote conversations.

Plan the Jewish connection if it's not obvious. Wine Tasting Club events are on Saturday nights, so we do Havdalah blessings and singing, usually run by one of our clergy. Simply saying an appropriate prayer together as is often done at Bet Shalom meetings may suffice.

Promote engagement by getting group members to take active roles. The Business Networking Group members rotate making presentations at meetings. At Wine Club tastings I ask people to describe what scents and flavors they notice in the wines, and we learn about grape varietals, the history and places of origin of wines and more from other knowledgeable group members.

Assess what is working and what needs to change.

Becky and I did several self-assessments in the Wine Tasting Group, particularly during the first six months. Zoom polls during events helped us learn more about the people who were showing up so we could customize and optimize the events. A Survey Monkey poll guided our transition from Zoom to in-person gatherings. Steve Yussen says that if a group doesn't work out a few times, don't quit! The leaders should figure out what led to declining participation, regroup and try a revised direction.

Contact Bet Shalom staff before you launch your group.

If you're interested in starting a new group, contact Steve Barberio at steve.barberio@betshalom.org. Bet Shalom's resources include contact information for members, promotion of the group through HaEtone and specific announcement emails, integrating event dates with the Bet Shalom calendar, and eventually getting the small group listed on the website.

Try it!

What kind of small group would you like to start or join? Birding, pickle-ball, snow-shoeing and cross country skiing, Jewish cooking, painting or something else? Go ahead, be relational and try starting a great new small group!