Yizkor Sermon in Song 5779
Yizkor Sermon in Song 5779
Ain’t That the Way
Rabbi David Locketz
Rabbi Jill Crimmings
Cantor Richard Schwartz
JEC
Over the past few months, Rabbi Locketz, Cantor Schwartz, and I have been exploring how we can each add our unique voices to collaborative efforts of learning and prayer. This afternoon we’d like to weave together story, song, and teaching as a way to reflect on the meaning of this Yizkor service.
The great Rabbi Akiva once thought he saw a man struggling with a heavy burden on his shoulders and bemoaning his lot in life. Concerned that this might be an overworked slave deserving to be freed, Rabbi Akiva asked the man what his story was. The oppressed laborer replied that he was the soul of a person who committed every conceivable sin and that if he stopped to talk, he’d get in even more trouble.
The punishment of this particular sinner was to gather wood, which was used to burn him every day. Rabbi Akiva asked if there was any way to free this soul and the deceased replied that the only way was if he had a son who would stand in front of the congregation and say “Yitkadal v’yitkadash....”
Rabbi Akiva asked the man who had survived him and the spirit replied that his wife had been pregnant when he died. Rabbi Akiva recorded the name of the deceased, the man’s wife, and his hometown so that he might investigate the matter. Hurrying to the man’s city, Rabbi Akiva discovered that the deceased was particularly reviled by the townspeople.
Rabbi Akiva located the widow, and her abandoned son. When the child was old enough, he taught him Torah and the prayers of the service. As soon as the boy recited the appropriate prayers, his father’s soul was relieved of its harsh punishments. The man’s spirit re-appeared to Rabbi Akiva in a dream to thank the scholar for saving him from the tortures of Gehinnom.
This legend, disturbing but with a hint of beauty, attempts to illustrate the power of ritual through story. Storytelling and ritual both play such a central role in Jewish life. Whether we are retelling the story of the Exodus from Egypt at our Seder table or chanting the stories from our Torah scroll during services, we rely on anecdote and metaphor to guide us through an uncertain world.
Storytelling and ritual can also serve as a source of comfort during moments of personal pain and loss… When we share a memory of a loved one or recite kaddish during services, we are speaking truth in a chaotic world where nothing else seems to make sense. Life is precious and the unpredictability of pain and the emergence of grief sometimes feels like the way of the world. The only way… but yizkor, the act of remembrance, whether it be through storytelling or ritual, this too is also the way of the world. And it is through these ways that Judaism gives us something to cling to when the world acts in the way that it does.
I’ll invite Cantor Schwartz to share a song on guitar by Carole King that has special meaning to him, and also for all of us, during this service of remembrance.
RJS
Ain't That the Way
Ain't that the way
Whenever you think you've got it made
Everything changes on you
Ain't that the way
Nothing is stranger than the truth
And how it comes to you
Ain't that the way
In this life we are living
Moment to moment, day by day
And through all our tribulations
We reach out for each other
And if we're lucky, someone cares enough to say
Ain't that the way
Whenever you think you're in control
Everything turns around
Ain't that the way
One day you're flying
Next day you're on the ground
Ain't that the way
So it goes
You never know what's gonna happen
You never know, but something always does
And sometimes in quiet desperation
You realize it's never gonna be the way it was
Ain't that the way
Whenever you think you've got it all
There's a wall in front of you
Ain't that the way
You gotta go through it, it's life
And it's all okay
Ain't that the way
© Carole King
DLL
Let me first say how grateful I am to be sharing this bima with Rabbi Crimmings and Cantor Schwartz. We have a wonderful team. Cantor Schwartz has such a terrific range from contemporary to classical chazanut. When I suggested we do something together for the sermon at yiscor, his mind went straight to this song. And as Rabbi Crimmings taught us, sharing our stories through ritual can bring us comfort in difficult times.
Memory is a funny thing. And grief is fickle. And so often they go hand in hand...one leading us to the other and back again. And they both can come and go so unexpectedly.
And as the song says,
“You gotta go through it, it's life”
To me this lyric is the essence of the song, but it's also the essence of life. And the essence of yiscor. As much we plan, so much of life is as the song suggests, so unexpected...so unexplainable. Life happens. We can of course affect some outcomes...but there is so much we cannot control. Yiscor isn’t about trying to change reality. It is about accepting it. We can be sad when we remember our loved ones. Or their memory can bring a smile to our faces. Or perhaps both at different times.
And just as Judaism gives us the words to use to show gratitude for the fruit of the vine, or for seeing a rainbow, or for reaching a significant occasion...so too Judaism gives us the words to use when we are in this state of remembering. Because remembering, while it can be both painful and joyful...it is so important. And our tradition demands it of us.
In remembering those who shoulders we stand on...those we have loved and lost...we reclaim a little bit of them in our lives. The blessing of who they were, helps us to be who we are...and who we are yet to be.
Four times a year tradition reminds us to remember those who came before us and have passed on. Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Passover and Shavuot. Some people use these holidays to go to the cemetery and place a pebble on the headstones of loved ones. It is our custom to use a pebble or stone rather than a flower which will wither and blow away. And some people join us in prayer and community as you have done today.
For about an hour, four times a year, we have these words tradition gives us to pray. And we are forced to remember and give thanks. What a gift! In our busy lives we have so little time to focus on matters of the heart. That is the purpose of yiscor. To take a few minutes from this busy life and to look backward...and to give thanks...so in turn we can look forward and live this blessed existence with meaning. May each person who you have come to remember be a true source of blessing in your life. Carry them with you. Cherish your memories and give thanks for their lives. Because as the song says:
You gotta go through it, it's life
And it's all okay
Ain't that the way
And as it says in Psalm 23:
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.